My willingness to
write has been off-put by an inability to find pleasure with the opposite
gender. I am certain that my orientation is not that of a homosexual, since
societal pressures mean little to me so I have little to hide. Perhaps I am not
as forth-coming as I ought to be. A friend of mine, Andrew, suggested one
afternoon that I should investigate the status of one Janis (who, like Andrew,
shares the same labors) in order to determine if she is open to suitors. The idea of being with Janis floated in my
head like a piece of dust. I held it with my mind’s eye and it would not be
moved.
“Move it Charles”
Janis was trying to get by. I blocked her path, my mind still on the piece of
dust. “Charles?” The particle began to fall. I tried not to let it, but it
floated down nonetheless. “Ugh” she began to push by.
“Janis.” My words
escaped the space of my mouth and continued without my direction. “Would you
care to join me Saturday night?” She stopped, positioned close to me from her
attempt to get by. Her eyes immediately dropped down, then slowly raised to
meet mine. The quizzical look she gave me was long and breathless. Minutes flew
by, if not hours, before her response seeped out like excess plastic in a mold.
“Sure.” She was gone
after that. The way she let the “r” sound linger lingered in my mind. It
replaced the dust, but floated just the same.
The week had passed in
such a flurry I could not bring myself to enough calm to write. My present
state of clairvoyance brought me back to this journal, so that I might capture a
picture of the city that was my night, and retrace the avenues which brought me
to my current state.
I had not spoken to
Janis other than to arrange a time and location for our evening. As we each
busied ourselves with our occupations we only managed to smile at one another
in passing. I had not seen her on Saturday for neither she nor I perform our
weekly duties at week’s end. Helios had put his beacon to rest by the time I
set out to meet my Janis. The sky had opened up to let her drizzle fall freely,
which would, on more than rare occasion, splatter in a way which made wet my
trousers. Dampened my body was but not my spirit, for I had high hopes for a
night which I was about to consummate.
My confidence and
concentration would soon be broken by what seemed to me as a large number of
dishes hitting the kitchen floor.
“Sir?” The young
lady stood with writing utensil in hand, slightly leaning over documents of
names and numbers. “How many tonight?” She had on plain black pants with a
white blouse and a black vest. Her blue eyes pierced the veil of her bangs then
glanced back down at her documents. “And your party’s name?” Her blue eyes were
still downcast in anticipation of my answer, ready to add my name to the list
of those who came before me. My eyes fell too, and I sensed her impatience
growing. “Sir, are you planning on eating tonight?” She had righted herself
now; her piercing blue eyes bore into mine.
“Yes… party of two.”
My eyes began to slip as she entered the datum. But they were soon pulled back.
“Name?” her pupils
narrowed, the blue seemed to turn to gray, her tone grew firm. I felt the
sensation of fire in my eyes, ablaze with lust and passion.
“Charles!” Janis had
arrived unbeknownst to me. The girl went back to her document as I was
enveloped by the embrace of Janis. “It’s good to see you.” Her smile caught my
eye as the girl moved from behind her station to lead the way.
“A booth just opened up, right this way.”
Her gesticulation was like that of a wealthy horse owner fanning herself at the
racetrack. I felt as though a dog led by the leash as she turned and started
toward our destination. Janis would fight for my attention.
The night, as in
present time, has pressed its full weight upon me. I must rest for now so that
I may accurately record the remainder of events that night.
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